Once a family has listed what’s in a loved one’s home, the next question is how to decide who receives what. It sounds simple, but the method you choose shapes the whole experience. A good one makes people feel treated fairly. A poor fit can leave someone feeling rushed, outplayed or overlooked.
Families have been solving this for a very long time, and a handful of methods keep coming up. This guide describes each one, what it does well and where it struggles, and then compares them side by side.
A note before you start: whichever method you choose, agree on it together before anyone chooses anything. Changing the rules halfway through is where most of the hurt comes from.
1. Rotating picks
How it works. Siblings take turns choosing one item at a time, in an agreed order, until everything anyone wants has been chosen. Draw lots or roll a die for the first round.
Keeping it even. In a straight rotation, whoever picks first gets an advantage every round. Many families use a reverse or snake order: 1-2-3-4, then 4-3-2-1, then 1-2-3-4 again. Over several rounds, it evens out.
What it does well:
- Easy to understand and visibly fair: everyone gets the same number of turns.
- Moves quickly through a full house.
- Works well when most things are sentimental rather than valuable.
Where it struggles:
- It ignores value. One sibling’s first pick might be a painting worth thousands; another’s might be a teapot. You can balance this with money afterwards, or by running separate rounds for valuable and everyday items.
- It rewards strategy. Someone might pick an item they care about less because they know a sibling wants it, just to get ahead.
- It can create contests where there were none. If only one person wanted the piano, they still have to use a pick on it, and may lose it to someone who didn’t care much.
Tip. Before a rotation, ask everyone to share what they’d like. Items with only one name can be agreed straight away, and the rotation is only needed for the rest.
2. Coloured stickers
How it works. Each person gets their own colour of sticker and walks through the house putting stickers on the things they’d like. Items with one colour go to that person. Items with several colours need a conversation, or a second method.
What it does well:
- Simple and physical. Everyone sees the house and the items in person.
- Shows at a glance where there’s agreement and where there isn’t.
- People with a clear idea of what they want can say so quickly.
Where it struggles:
- Timing matters. Whoever walks through first, or sees what others have stickered, has an advantage. Doing it on one agreed day, all at once, helps.
- Siblings who live far away are left out unless someone photographs everything.
- It says nothing about how much each person wants something.
- Stickers fall off, get moved, and can become their own source of suspicion.
Tip. Give everyone a limited number of stickers of each kind: a few “I’d love this” stickers and more “I’d like this” ones. It adds a sense of priority without making it complicated.
3. Drawing lots
How it works. For an item that more than one person wants, each person’s name goes into a hat and one is drawn. Some families use it for everything; most keep it for the final decision on a few contested items.
What it does well:
- Nobody can argue with chance, and nobody has to be the one to say no.
- Fast and final, which helps when a family is stuck.
Where it struggles:
- It ignores meaning. The person for whom an item carries a lifetime of memory can lose it to someone who mildly liked it.
- Used for everything, it can feel careless for such a personal task.
Tip. Save it for the end. Talk first, look for trades, and use lots only for the overlaps that talking doesn’t settle.
4. Wish lists
How it works. Everyone goes through the full list, at the same time and without seeing each other’s answers, and marks the things they’d like, ideally with a sentence about why. When everyone has finished, the lists are shared. Items with one name go to that person. Items with several names become conversations.
What it does well:
- Nobody has to go first, and nobody can react to what others chose.
- Most items turn out to be wanted by just one person, so most of the list is settled without any contest at all.
- Works just as well for siblings far away as for those nearby.
- The “why” is often the most valuable part. Learning what a thing means to your brother can change how you feel about it.
Where it struggles:
- It doesn’t settle overlaps on its own. You still need a way to decide those.
- It relies on everyone taking part in good faith, and in their own time, which can take longer than an afternoon of stickers.
Tip. Pair wish lists with another method for the overlaps: a conversation first, then rotating picks or lots for whatever’s left.
5. Points or play-money bidding
How it works. Each person gets the same number of points, say 1,000, and bids for items. The highest bid wins, and the points are spent. Some families bid silently in sealed envelopes; others hold a friendly auction.
What it does well:
- Lets people show how much something matters, not just whether they want it.
- Everyone starts equal, and it’s hard to argue with the result.
- Particularly good when there are several items that many people want.
Where it struggles:
- It’s more complicated to set up and explain, especially to relatives who find it distasteful.
- It can make a family occasion feel like a sale.
- Someone who spends a lot early can feel shut out later.
Tip. Use it for a short list of the most wanted items, not the whole house.
6. Equal value, with money to balance
How it works. Each item is given an estimated value. People choose as they like, and at the end, anyone who received more than their share pays the difference into the estate, or receives less money from it.
What it does well:
- Makes financial fairness explicit, which matters when there are valuable items.
- Lets someone take an expensive item they love, as long as they’re willing to balance it.
Where it struggles:
- It needs valuations, which cost time and sometimes money.
- It puts a price on things that feel priceless, which some people find hard.
- Someone has to keep careful track of values and balances.
Tip. Combine it with one of the other methods. Choose however you like, then balance only the big-ticket items.
The methods side by side
| Method | Best for | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| Rotating picks | Many sentimental items, everyone present | Ignores value; rewards strategy |
| Coloured stickers | A single day in the house together | Who goes first; siblings far away |
| Drawing lots | Settling the last few overlaps | Ignores what an item means |
| Wish lists | Families who live apart; avoiding needless contests | Overlaps still need a second method |
| Points or bidding | A short list of much-wanted items | Can feel like a sale |
| Equal value | Estates with valuable items | Needs valuations and careful accounts |
Combining methods
Most families who divide things well don’t use a single method. A combination that works for many is:
- Wish lists first. Everyone says what they’d like, at the same time.
- Agree the single-name items straight away. Usually most of the list.
- Talk through the overlaps. Share the stories, look for trades.
- Rotating picks or lots for what’s left. Only for items where talking hasn’t found an answer.
- Balance the valuable items with money, if the family has agreed to.
Whatever you choose, write down each decision as you make it, and share the record with everyone. Our guide to dividing a parent’s belongings among siblings covers the whole process, and our guide on when two siblings want the same thing covers the overlaps in more depth.
Where Partage fits
Partage is closest to the wish-list method, with one difference: wishes are visible to the family as they’re made, rather than sealed until everyone has finished. If you’d rather nobody sees anyone else’s choices first, agree on a day when everyone adds theirs.
The Division board shows the same items three ways:
- Ledger: every item in one list, with its estimated value, who wished for it, and where it stands.
- Stages: items in columns: undecided, wished and agreed.
- Shares: a lane for each heir, with a running total of the items and estimated value leaning their way. It’s a quiet way to see whether shares are staying even, if your family has chosen equal value.
Partage doesn’t run a draft, a lottery or an auction for you. If you settle an overlap that way, mark the item agreed afterwards, and its thread keeps the conversation that led there. The executor chooses whether any heir can mark items agreed or only the executor.
It’s free to set up and list everything. The executor pays once, when inviting the family, and heirs never pay. See pricing.
Questions families ask
What is the fairest way to divide personal belongings?
There isn't one fairest method for every family. Rotating picks give everyone equal turns. Wish lists avoid needless contests. A points system lets people show how much each item matters. Many families combine methods, for example wish lists first, then rotating picks for the items more than one person wants.
Who picks first in a rotating draft?
Drawing lots or rolling a die is the simplest way to decide. To keep it even, many families reverse the order each round, so whoever picked last in one round picks first in the next.
What if someone can't be there in person?
Share photos of everything beforehand, and let them take part by video call or through a shared list. Methods where everyone says what they'd like in writing, such as wish lists and points, work especially well for families who live apart.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. For anything formal, a lawyer or notary can help.